JTRex

Truly Recession-Proof: If I worked for Tito’s Handmade Vodka February 13, 2009

Pre-reading: See JTRex’s Law. “Men are visual. Men like things big. Men know value when they see it.”

Earlier this week I read a reference to the Intel Atom netbook processor as “recession proof.” I think for anything to be recession proof, it must offer bullet-proof value.

 I know the AMD Yukon platform and upcoming HP DV2 will offer bulletproof value as an ultraportable notebook after using one extensively at CES 09. Gorgeous HD visual computing, man-size keyboard. But light and sleek like a Trek racing bicycle made from carbon fiber.

How a real man like Popeye fell for a neck like this is an enigma wrapped in a riddle shrouded in mystery.

This weekend, I borrowed a new Intel Atom N270 powered Dell Inspiron 910 netbook from Patrick Moorhead. My intent is to keep my knowledge of netbooks and ultrathins sharp.

But I can already tell you, no way in hell would I want to write this blog on that netbook (or others like it; the Dell I believe is a cut above the current netbook crowd). I know this isn’t breaking news, but I can quickly categorize it as purely a Web consumption device. And as an aficionado for 3D visual computing, after 30 minutes I was left craving my self-built desktop with its bright 19” NEC Multisync 90GX display like no notebook ever left me.

While I do believe that some things are recession-proof, I stand convinced that for netbooks and affordable ultrathins to achieve anything like the 100+ million units projected in the next few years, the category desperately needs AMD and Nvidia. Intel knows how to make tiny cheap CPUs – give them credit. But Intel is lost when it comes to 3D and visual computing.

This generation of netbooks simply don’t offer bullet-proof value in my book. But the potential is there with a little help from the visual computing experts and a man-sized keyboard. (Men either type with our thumbs like we’re snuffing out hot embers, or we want a big keyboard with room. Anything in between is just effeminate.)

Also considered recession-proof yet proven to actually be so during the 20th century? Spirits.

So if I worked for Austin, Texas-made Tito’s Handmade Vodka, I’d launch a “Real men don’t use netbooks. Real men drink Tito’s.” campaign to uplift economically downtrodden tech industry workers with my six-times-distilled spirit. It would go something like this:

(Read this section as though it were a Sam Elliott voiceover).

Why is Tito’s Handmade vodka my brand of choice in tough times?

1. Pour yourself a glass of what the Wall Street Journal calls “America’s first craft sippin’ vodka” and visualize yourself surveying a sunset in the Texas Hill Country where this one-of-a-kind vodka was made.
2. For $30 bucks in Austin, Texas, you can buy nearly two liters of “Double Gold World Spirits” Tito’s Handmade Vodka. That’s a big bottle, no compromises, no regrets.
3. See the value. Although a first-rate vodka, Tito’s doesn’t resort to ensnaring you with pretty pictures of flying French geese or fancy frosted bottles with necks like Shelley Duvall. With Tito’s you get a glass-bottom-boat-sized view of your exceptionally distilled and cleansed vodka. No more, no less.

Which do you choose as recession proof with your last roll of Andrew Jacksons? I know what “Old Hickory” would reach for…