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Truly Recession-Proof: If I worked for Tito’s Handmade Vodka February 13, 2009

Posted by John Taylor in netbooks.
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Pre-reading: See JTRex’s Law. “Men are visual. Men like things big. Men know value when they see it.”

Earlier this week I read a reference to the Intel Atom netbook processor as “recession proof.” I think for anything to be recession proof, it must offer bullet-proof value.

 I know the AMD Yukon platform and upcoming HP DV2 will offer bulletproof value as an ultraportable notebook after using one extensively at CES 09. Gorgeous HD visual computing, man-size keyboard. But light and sleek like a Trek racing bicycle made from carbon fiber.

 

How a real man like Popeye fell for a neck like this is an enigma wrapped in a riddle shrouded in mystery.

How a real man like Popeye fell for a neck like this is an enigma wrapped in a riddle shrouded in mystery.

This weekend, I borrowed a new Intel Atom N270 powered Dell Inspiron 910 netbook from Patrick Moorhead. My intent is to keep my knowledge of netbooks and ultrathins sharp.

 

But I can already tell you, no way in hell would I want to write this blog on that netbook (or others like it; the Dell I believe is a cut above the current netbook crowd). I know this isn’t breaking news, but I can quickly categorize it as purely a Web consumption device. And as an aficionado for 3D visual computing, after 30 minutes I was left craving my self-built desktop with its bright 19” NEC Multisync 90GX display like no notebook ever left me.

While I do believe that some things are recession-proof, I stand convinced that for netbooks and affordable ultrathins to achieve anything like the 100+ million units projected in the next few years, the category desperately needs AMD and Nvidia. Intel knows how to make tiny cheap CPUs – give them credit. But Intel is lost when it comes to 3D and visual computing.

This generation of netbooks simply don’t offer bullet-proof value in my book. But the potential is there with a little help from the visual computing experts and a man-sized keyboard. (Men either type with our thumbs like we’re snuffing out hot embers, or we want a big keyboard with room. Anything in between is just effeminate.)

Also considered recession-proof yet proven to actually be so during the 20th century? Spirits.

So if I worked for Austin, Texas-made Tito’s Handmade Vodka, I’d launch a “Real men don’t use netbooks. Real men drink Tito’s.” campaign to uplift economically downtrodden tech industry workers with my six-times-distilled spirit. It would go something like this:

(Read this section as though it were a Sam Elliott voiceover).

Why is Tito’s Handmade vodka my brand of choice in tough times?

 

  1. Pour yourself a glass of what the Wall Street Journal calls “America’s first craft sippin’ vodka” and visualize yourself surveying a sunset in the Texas Hill Country where this one-of-a-kind vodka was made.
  2. For $30 bucks in Austin, Texas, you can buy nearly two liters of “Double Gold World Spirits” Tito’s Handmade Vodka. That’s a big bottle, no compromises, no regrets.
  3. See the value. Although a first-rate vodka, Tito’s doesn’t resort to ensnaring you with pretty pictures of flying French geese or fancy frosted bottles with necks like Shelley Duvall. With Tito’s you get a glass-bottom-boat-sized view of your exceptionally distilled and cleansed vodka. No more, no less.

Which do you choose as recession proof with your last roll of Andrew Jacksons? I know what “Old Hickory” would reach for…

Super Bowl Certainties February 1, 2009

Posted by John Taylor in Uncategorized.
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Today I’m going to gear up for the Super Bowl the way I gear up for Thanksgiving. I think of it as giving yourself a knowing hall pass to eat anything you want the rest of the day. Before many a Thanksgiving, I run the Austin 5 mile Turkey Trot early in the morning. Then I abuse myself with rolls, asparagus in cheese sauce, pickles, olives, apple pie and the like the rest of the day.

 

Today, the day of Super Bowl XLIII, I will go for a run then help my wife’s friend move for about 5 hours, right up to game time. (or pre-game time. Does anyone ever really know when the Super Bowl will kick-off?). Then, with what I will consider hard-earned self-satisfaction, I’ll unleash the hounds of hell on my stomach in the form of Super Bowl snacking. Third bowl of chili? Why yes, yes I will. More seven layer Tex-Mex dip? Yes, I think there’s room on my plate next to the little smoked sausages.

 

On my run and while lifting (from a bent-leg position) someone else’s armoire and dining set, I’ll have plenty of opportunity to ponder these two Super Bowl certainties:

 

  1. I will remark to no one in particular at least five times during the game: “I can make a better commercial than that. I can’t believe they paid some agency to make that commercial then paid NBC a million dollars to air it.” I will mostly say this about beer commercials. Remember the flatulent horse? The clown drinking through its crotch? Less thirsty after those two images? Intriguing Super Bowl XLIII subtext: Will we see a different Budweiser this year now that they are owned by Belgium conglomerate InBev? Will base-humor Budweiser show a more sophisticated and worldly Eurostyle? If you call Clydesdales & Conan sophisticated, the answer is yes.
  2. Despite much encouragement and prodding from me, no one in tomorrow’s Monday 10 a.m. staff meeting will remark on the striking similarities between Kurt Warner’s success story, and my own. I too bagged groceries, only at age 16 for Winn Dixie in Brandon, Florida. Like Kurt, I too went on to something much better than grocery bagging. Kurt is QB for a surprisingly competitive NFL team. I’m PR for a surprisingly competitive member of the SIA. I too have a four letter monosyllabic first name. Come on, isn’t this eerie? Like that Kennedy/Lincoln thing? No?